As much as it pains me to agree, there are far too many
pseudo-Dominants, Predators, and just plain abusers finding the BDSM
community a target-rich environment. The question comes down to Why
there are so many, and How to manage the threat.
Why are there so many? Simple. When the BDSM community was “underground”, people seeking entry had to pass a type of vetting process for most kink groups to allow them access. With the advent of Internet chat-rooms and BBSes (Bulletin Board System, a local chat service usually) it became much easier to create an online pseudonym, lie about your experience or intent, and gain access to groups where no-one checked out the story given. All you needed to do was put keywords in your created chat-name: Dom, Daddy, Sir, Master, or Lord. People started to accept this as some sort of qualified entry as a Dominant in the Lifestyle. The vetting system disappeared. Predators will always find a way to get to their preferred prey; The wolf will always find a way to get to the sheep.
For some exploring the Lifestyle, the internet gave them the opportunity to genuinely explore feelings they may have thought that only they were experiencing. Having other people relate their experiences and feelings made these people feel safe and accepted. Blogs talking about protocol and terminology and aspects of the Lifestyle made it really easy for a Wolf to find his Sheep’s Clothing and infiltrate the ranks and start doing the damage. It became a real issue when Yahoo! had Adult chat-rooms, and these predators could post a full profile within minutes, and change profiles or have multiple profiles to use when seeking sexual conquests and victims.
Sadly, the Internet, for all of its many great additions to the Lifestyle, has also opened the gates to anyone seeking entry, and all but removed the protection of non-anonymous entry. Someone claiming to be Dominant doesn’t ever need to show his face, or have any backstory checked out. No prior submissives or sexual partners are known, and there is no one to control access to the group members. We, as a community, are without sheepdogs and are losing more and more members to the wolves.
So, how do we control this? Sadly, because such a large portion of the community is firmly entrenched in the Internet, it may be almost impossible. Protecting new and emerging members, vetting Dominants, having open and correct forums in local settings are rapidly becoming things of the past. Local groups having “munches” or “meet-n-greets” don’t happen as often as they once did, because it’s easier just to post on fetlife or collarme or tumblr and hope that you’ll find that one “true Dominant” or “true submissive” and not get caught up with all the predators and creeps.
Whenever I talk about bringing back public meets and vetting people before letting them in, people accuse me of being “Old Guard”. I don’t take that as an insult. Protecting the people around me, the littles and submissives and those exploring new feelings, that is part of who I am. It is what makes me a Dominant and a sheepdog.
Why are there so many? Simple. When the BDSM community was “underground”, people seeking entry had to pass a type of vetting process for most kink groups to allow them access. With the advent of Internet chat-rooms and BBSes (Bulletin Board System, a local chat service usually) it became much easier to create an online pseudonym, lie about your experience or intent, and gain access to groups where no-one checked out the story given. All you needed to do was put keywords in your created chat-name: Dom, Daddy, Sir, Master, or Lord. People started to accept this as some sort of qualified entry as a Dominant in the Lifestyle. The vetting system disappeared. Predators will always find a way to get to their preferred prey; The wolf will always find a way to get to the sheep.
For some exploring the Lifestyle, the internet gave them the opportunity to genuinely explore feelings they may have thought that only they were experiencing. Having other people relate their experiences and feelings made these people feel safe and accepted. Blogs talking about protocol and terminology and aspects of the Lifestyle made it really easy for a Wolf to find his Sheep’s Clothing and infiltrate the ranks and start doing the damage. It became a real issue when Yahoo! had Adult chat-rooms, and these predators could post a full profile within minutes, and change profiles or have multiple profiles to use when seeking sexual conquests and victims.
Sadly, the Internet, for all of its many great additions to the Lifestyle, has also opened the gates to anyone seeking entry, and all but removed the protection of non-anonymous entry. Someone claiming to be Dominant doesn’t ever need to show his face, or have any backstory checked out. No prior submissives or sexual partners are known, and there is no one to control access to the group members. We, as a community, are without sheepdogs and are losing more and more members to the wolves.
So, how do we control this? Sadly, because such a large portion of the community is firmly entrenched in the Internet, it may be almost impossible. Protecting new and emerging members, vetting Dominants, having open and correct forums in local settings are rapidly becoming things of the past. Local groups having “munches” or “meet-n-greets” don’t happen as often as they once did, because it’s easier just to post on fetlife or collarme or tumblr and hope that you’ll find that one “true Dominant” or “true submissive” and not get caught up with all the predators and creeps.
Whenever I talk about bringing back public meets and vetting people before letting them in, people accuse me of being “Old Guard”. I don’t take that as an insult. Protecting the people around me, the littles and submissives and those exploring new feelings, that is part of who I am. It is what makes me a Dominant and a sheepdog.
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